and i'm off...

i'm off to d.c. and even though i'll be back on friday i feel as if i'm leaving for a long time. but, i think it's because this is an important step. it may not be a big deal to other people, but to me it means a lot. if something great (other than the whole experience) is offered to me at the end of this, i can't even imagine what i'd do. it's nice to know and hear how people are proud of me because i don't hear those words so often even though i know i'm working hard. thank you, if you've said that to me in the past few months... it helps me get through my days.

today, i called my dad to remind him that i was leaving. and, though my dad isn't a man of many words, he said it. "i'm proud of you, honey." and as much as i wish that he would have been more like how he is now back then, i can't help but feel like i have to prove something to him to this day. not in a vengeful way, but in a way where (regardless of the circumstance) he can be proud yet realize the way he contributed was by leaving. this may sound confusing but don't get me wrong, i love my dad even through the roller coaster he put our family through. part of me wishes he'd admit to his faults and apologize, but the other half of me knows that that's never going to happen and it's way too late for that anyway. but, pride gets in the way of people sometimes and that's the reality of it.

showing happy emotions are like winning the lottery for filipino moms. it happens once in a while and when it does, it comes as a shocker. i know my mom's proud of me; but ask me how many times i hear her say it, i don't know. i'm not looking for sympathy or pity, it just came to mind today. i'm not sad or emo either. this is just how i see it.

...just one of those days where i'm slowing down only to catch up. if that makes any sense whatsoever.





and i'm OUT!!! see ya in the big leagues! ;)

i love you guys... a lot, a lot, and always, always...