we grow everyday

so it's November. damn, already? time flies. a year ago, i was having dinner with my friend Ricky at a restaurant in downtown Long Beach. we walked across the street to watch the presidential election on the tv screen at a bar/lounge. and once President elect Obama won, we started cheering and hugging and what not. and that was that. don't really remember much after that.

a lot has happened in a year. (blog to be continued..)

going through the motions

12:28 am and it's thursday. another day and i'm alive. funny how on some days when people ask me how i'm doing i simply say "i'm alive" because regardless of if i'm feeling great or shitty, nonetheless i'm alive and grateful for it. yesterday was one of those days where i needed to sit down and close my eyes to meditate for a few seconds. usually when you're going through a lot or just doing a lot of things at the same time, you really need those few minutes to have your mind catch up with your body or vice versa. we get in this habit of doing something over and over again and then find ourselves hating it or ourselves for it. keyword: focus. remind yourself of what you want and be clear with yourself of those things. accept the fact that those things can change. and i'm talking out of my ass right now because i'm hoping writing will get rid of this throbbing headache.

one semester down

there's something about the final stretch that makes everything feel better. granted that i pass all of my classes, which I will. well, after this semester there's only 6 more classes to go! and i've planned it pretty well. i only have an internship class for my major to complete in the fall and the rest of the courses i have left to take are all electives. so yes, i will be going to summer school this year (something i haven't done since 2006). i'll be going to Irvine Valley College (which is so much cheaper!) and learning Japanese and Piano. I figure I should start on my list of languages to learn now and throw in an instrument while I'm at it. Languages I want to learn: Japanese, Italian, French, and Mandarin (Chinese). Languages I want to be fluent in: Tagalog and Spanish (i can dabble in both at the moment).

a month ago i went to a conference in beverly hills and met a bunch of HR people from different networks (fox, nbc/universal, warner bros., comcast, etc.). it was pretty cool to pick at HR heads and see what's going on with the hiring freezes and if these freezes were just rumors. fortunately, i was able to grab a hold of quite a few business cards. it doesn't hurt to keep in touch with people, ya know? the week after i e-mailed everyone i met and told them how thankful i am to have met them and hope we can continue to keep in touch within the industry. surprisingly, each and every one of them responded back to me within the week. What I have to do is to keep in contact with all of them without pestering them. Everyone's busy, but it is nice to hear from any one of them every few months. there is a huge contact that i absolutely need to check up on. but, i'll keep that a secret until later later.:) just know I'm trying my best to get to where I want to be in life.

crazy how time flies. i'll be graduating in december. what a great Christmas present to myself, right? that'll definitely be a boost for the new year! but since i'm not there just yet... i've got to work with what i have, where i'm at, and what i'm already doing. i think that makes sense. also, it's just good to know that i continue to have a good support system with family and friends. we don't often step back and acknowledge that fact. anyhow, thanks guys! i love you.

i'm back

i'm sooooo sorry, blogspot! I won't leave you again. I just won't.

trying something new

i've known about tumblr, but never really looked too much into it. and now, it's time to try something new. it's not you (blogger), it's just that... well, it's just time.


http://stephatrandom.tumblr.com

Keri Hilson is the SH*T

i love her and her music. a couple of months ago i posted a blog about her upcoming album. she's amazing.

belly dancing

i watched slumdog millionaire (finally). i really liked it. anyway, brother made a slumdog millionare-beat recently and it reminded me of this song.



grinding! lol.

by the way, my blogs are short lately because a)barely have the time to get all philosophical with you guys b)haven't had any 'chin resting on my palm as i sigh' moments in a long time and c)hmm i'm not in the revealing mode. but sure enough, it'll come back to me someday. just don't know when. have a great day!

Don't

i was watching a Lauren London interview about her do's and don'ts of dating but there was one thing that she said that sparked me into creating this blog. "don't ask me for pictures." i don't know what she meant specifically, but it did want me to say that the fact that guys who ask that get TWO THUMBS DOWN. i've had guys ask me for vanessa hudgens-esque pictures via camera phone. come on! are you serious?!

hiero y'all!

this was in my head.

good one

watching Medium to stay up for the late show w/ jimmy fallon. anyway, good line:

"you know the best thing about being alone? there's no one there to let down."

100 Things we ALL should know

i forgot about these two articles that someone sent me to take a look at. this may seem odd, but what triggered me bringing these back was when my good friend asked me what the TRUE definition of a donkey punch was. lmao. *i see you* anyhow, these articles don't answer that question but i wanted to share them with you. the website to Men's Health magazine had these two articles up:


What Women Want from Men: 50 Things She Wishes You Knew


What Men Want From Women: 50 Things Men Wish You Knew



comment me on your favorites. sure, it gives you something to do. "DO IT"

___________________________________

oh geez. you want to know the TRUE definition of a Donkey Punch is...the menarebetterthanwomen.com website says:

"What the Donkey Punch is, is a punch delivered to a woman’s ass during intercourse. That’s it. Try it yourself and you’ll know why they call it a Donkey Punch. If you disagree, why not invent a sexual move that involves a woman jumping off a roof and landing on your cock. Call it the Stupid Jackass."

Read the full post

___________________________________

however, i've heard like 3 different definitions. please, feel free to comment me what you think the definition is. my friend would love it.

the death of females

i was talking to brother earlier today about some random stuff (as always). then, i caught myself doing it again. what all females tend to do...ASSUME. we make ASSUMPTIONS, ridiculous assumptions that (a)once we say them we deem them true because (for some reason) we like to think we're right without having evidence or (b)we just tend to talk out of our asses for the simple fact of just talking non-stop like someone's actually listening and understanding what the hell we're talking about or (c)we think it's funny at the time to say them and don't realize until later that we shouldn't have said that out loud. and then we swear we don't understand why the guys we talk to have selective hearing. [this is a moment we need to step back and look at the bigger picture that really isn't that big of a deal] i'd hate to have to admit to siding with guys for the sake of me being a female, but most of the time i try to understand both sides. in this case, i'm just highlighting the guy side of situations like these.

so back to making assumptions. why do we do this? i really think it's so that we have some type of answer without having to do work in finding out the truth for ourselves. the situation can be serious or really small, yet instead of finding out like CSI: we come up with "theories" of our own. and with that, comes the actions we make that are more than likely unnecessary if we just took the time out to find out the truth about the situation. so why don't we find out the truth about the situation? because we have pussies and we tend to act like pussies. (i hate that word, by the way). we don't ASK. and since we don't ask, it kills us emotionally.

but it's simple, yet with simple things we almost always tend to make them complicated. ASK, not ASSUME. and i need to practice what i preach.

amen. (wink and the gun)

save it.

happy medium

there's too much, too little, too boring, too fickle, too selfish, too giving, too hopeful, too cynical, too sensitive, too cold, too shy, too bold...

where's the happy medium?

on other notes within a note:

-being selective... is that a bad thing?
-i need a muse

Jerkin'!

Some of my past Riverside County High school students that I worked with two years ago use to dance a certain way that I thought was cute and funny, but never did I think it would spread onto YouTube. I found some Fairfax HS students on youtube who apparently know how to edit and post their videos on YouTube. Oh, LA... how you produce such interesting youth! I actually like their dance. anyhow, enjoy! JERK away. hahaha.

Happy Valentine's Day! (2009 version)

in essence of this Hallmark holiday that we oh-so forget to mention and remember the massacre of St. Valentine himself... here's a youtube video.

the 25

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1. i use to be the person who always said "i'll drive" any/everywhere and am now that person who would much rather have someone else drive.

2. at random times when i'm at home (right when i wake up, in the middle of working on homework, or before i go to sleep), i'll get up from my bed, blast a song from my ipod and ipod dock, and start dancing in front of the mirror just to see if i can still dance (since i barely go out) and not look stupid while i'm at it.

3. i've had to put on braces twice because i didn't wear my retainers and thought i was too cool to have to remember to put them on. after having to pay for the second set and $1,000 later, i try my best to wear them now.

4. i find it ridiculously amazing when someone can read me or guess my sign in hopes that they truly know me, but i know they don't. so i read into zodiac signs and all that astrology stuff to get my hopes up so that there's some type of answer to explain why i am the way i am.

5. i love "me too!" moments. my eyes get big and it's usually followed, if not started by, an "oh my God!" with an occasional "no way?!" (yes, my valley girl kicks in) and a contemplative smile. it makes me feel and know that i'm not alone.

6. when i'm sad, i bake and never eat what i bake. cookies, cupcakes, cakes, brownies (well, maybe 1 brownie), or some type of dessert. so hey, if you have a sweet tooth and i'm having a crap ass day, hit me up!

7. i only remember verses of songs that i relate to at that moment in time and copy/paste them somewhere (or if i'm driving, i'll google them later when i get home). that's where the "i'm-such-a-female-and-don't-want-to-be-emo-but-a-song-says-it-better-in-a-melody" moments kick in.

8. don't think less of me, but to prevent me from sleeping during meetings at work or classes at school...i think about sex. it's the only thing that keeps me awake. i promise i'm not a perv.

9. i hate receiving late night, drunk phone calls and i don't make them either. there are very few where i make an exception.

10. i have to clean my room before i work on homework. for some reason, i have to be in a clean area to help me focus and i'm usually in my room to start on it.

11. i'll start singing a verse from a song out of nowhere with no music playing, but only a verse. after that, i'll take a few minutes to think about what goes after that and if i don't know... i'll either stop or repeat the same verse over and over and over again as if that's how the whole song actually is.

12. i think happy thoughts/memories when i'm driving in the car and i'll start giggling or smiling. sometimes i hope someone sees me doing either so that they'll start giggling or smiling too. i just want to spread the happiness.

13. nothing makes me happier than when i laugh so hard i cry when i'm joking around with my sisters, mom, and cousin sheena.

14. i've had about 5 people tell me that i look like that chick on youtube that goes by "Happy Slip". youtube her. i really don't think so though. i also have been mistaken for Michelle Foronda way too many times in high school (what's up, twin!).

15. it truly irks me when words are misspelled and posted on-line. spell check is there for a reason. it also bugs the crap out of me when people don't have an image/avatar on these social networking sites. come on! i hate seeing the default image. you're not invisible man, you know! i know you have one picture you'd like to share even if it's hiding your face!

16. in 6th grade, i won the gold medal in girls' shot put for my middle school's olympics. no, not special olympics, jerks. but, come to think of it, that's kind of butch. i was mad skinny back then. that thing was 8 lbs, i think?

17. when friends or family can't cheer me up, i google inspirational quotes on-line. today i found "before you talk about what you want--really appreciate what you have before it's gone" (ethan daniel).

18. Both of my grandmas passed away in the month of February, before Valentine's day. I think they wanted to meet up with my grandpas in time. =) hopeless romantics, maybe? (you all are missed, but i know you guys are all happy now. i seriously think you guys are having a ball up there. enjoy!)

19. I like change. Not just Obama-change, but cent change (quarters, nickels, dimes, even pennies!). Feed my piggy bank! Yes, I have one that was given to me as a gift. I like "cent" change because they're life savers when it comes to vending machines (that could be my worst enemy) at work and/or school, parking meters in LA or SD, and the laundromat.

20. I had a Boost mobile phone. Ohhhh shutyourface! It was free at a Common/Kanye/Talib concert I went to with my friend CJ. He got one too and we only used it once. I have no idea where mine is anymore. I should've sold it. darn.

21. i tend to say "see you later" or "talk to you later" in an English accent, all the time, like it's natural. "see you lay-tuh". i think i've watched Harry Potter way too much.

22. the first time i saw "ftw" i thought it was "what the fuck" (wtf) backwards. yea, you know "fuck the what?"...but then a few minutes after i asked brother baysick and he said it means "for the win". LMAO. uhhh i swear i'm not blonde.

23. i fell asleep on this guy's chest and i woke up in a pool of drool. i slowly glanced to see if he was awake, wiped it off because he was shirtless, and pretended to go back to sleep. he said "you're not slick" and was awake the whole time. fail.

24. i've had dreams that I was the girlfriend of the following celebrities: Lebron James, Michael Jordan, Isaiah Washington (the doctor that got kicked off Grey's Anatomy for calling T.R. Knight a fag; this particular dream was the craziest sex dream ever, haven't had one since.), JC Chasez (i was hoping for Justin), and Kobe (his last name isn't necessary to put down, obviously).

25. in high school, i was the co-captain for the Varsity Volleyball team my junior year. And, i was crowned Prom Queen and my boyfriend at the time was crowned Prom King at our Senior Prom. yea yea yea. woopty-freakin-hoo!

in addition...

starting in 5th grade, i was highly influenced by my brother in the following nerdy things:
-in middle school, i had a bright orange Import Tuner shirt with a prelude on the back. i'm laughing at myself so you don't have to.
-i've sat and watched all of the Star Wars movies. And,i've watched 1-3 on opening day.
-any comic book questions i have been/are/will always be answered by him.
-i use to help him navigate when he played Resident Evil or Metal Gear Solid and can proudly say i helped tremendously through rigorous stages.
-i will forever clown on him about watching Hidalgo.
-in middle school, i always hung around the other asians and we promised we'd made a car crew named ITR (intense team racing). i'm shaking my head right now, too."
-i use to play Counter Strike and Halo a lot. my handle name was "a chick" so that when i got a kill it would say "a chick killed you."
-i use to play Sims on playstation until 3-4am.
-i was a hardcore SailorMoon fan. card collector and posters on the wall.
-i LOVE harry potter.
-i like going to barnes&noble or borders and read books.

acoustics

Explorer/Builder

so tambs sent me this link:
Chemistry

and my results showed this....

You have a great deal of energy and vitality. You are curious, creative and resilient. You have many interests; and you find pleasure in doing and thinking about all sorts of things.

You tend to be optimistic, seeing the world as a place of adventure-- physical, intellectual or both. You seek first-hand experiences. And when you embark on a project or expedition, you like to be organized, thorough and responsible.

You enjoy the pleasures of the senses, yet you are firmly grounded in reality and live in the here and now. You can be charming and charismatic; and you sometimes like to surprise those you love with generous presents.

You also have a clear moral compass and stand up for your beliefs. And in spite of your flexibility and enjoyment of novelty, you have a genuine respect for home, family, work and community. You are conscientious, dependable, cooperative and protective.


Explorer primary traits

* Novelty seeking
* Impulsive and spontaneous
* Curious
* Creative
* Flexible
* Open-minded
* Energetic

Builder secondary traits

* Traditional
* Social
* Loyal
* Dependable
* Patient
* Community oriented
* Orderly



In Love and Relationships
You are attracted to people who will explore ideas, philosophies, cities and/or the natural world with you. You like spontaneous, curious risk-takers like yourself. And you want a partner who shares your live-and-let-live attitude. But you also need someone who is eager to help you build strong family and community ties. You are interested in sex; sexual compatibility is an important part of your primary relationship. Although you like to spend your money, you admire frugal people and believe in saving-except when an appropriate adventure comes along. And you seek a partner who is pragmatic, who shares your view of duty and tradition and whom you regard as moral and cooperative. Yet he or she has to have your level of energy and curiosity too.


Relating to others
You have a keen sense of humor and a great many interests-so people gravitate to you. You are also savvy at managing and handling others. And because you are broad-minded, adaptable and playful, as well as dependable and loyal, you can be an exciting yet stable and dedicated friend and colleague.


Things to be aware of
-Don't assume someone isn't funny just because they don't display their sense of humor instantly.
-You can be so charming that you can get into a relationship too fast. Honor your natural caution and go slowly.
-Explorers and Builders rarely indulge in self-analysis and they can hide their emotions. Let people know how you feel.


[and pretty much everything is on point.]

reciprocal love

Thank you, I hate you, I'm sorry

Thank you
because without your support, I wouldn't be here
I wouldn't have stayed when things got hard
I wouldn't have believed that I could find a life.
Thank you for the way you know me,
for being my best friend for what feels like forever,
and for raising the bar so high that I don't know where to begin.
Thank you for knowing to let go before things got ugly.
On some level, you must've known that forcing me to fly
would force you to fly too, to do the things you know you need.
And maybe you even share the belief that our paths
will join us together again, and for always.

I hate you
for not wanting it badly enough,
for not believing we could do this together,
for not following through.
I hate that you didn't have the balls to take a chance,
to explore this place that's filled with your dreams.
I hate that you don't even seem to be doing
the things that made you stay.
I hate the way you tell me how you feel almost always hurts,
and that most of the time you just don't tell me at all.
I hate that you are the only guy I can imagine loving,
and you make letting go seem so easy,
like it doesn't hurt at all,
like you don't ever cry.

I'm sorry
I left the way I did,
because of what i said to you:
that I would always expect you to follow.
I'm sorry I didn't see it like that.
I thought paving the way would create
an adventure that would change our lives.
I'm sorry I didn't wait until you were ready,
that I didn't think I could, so the decision didn't feel like yours.
I'm sorry that it seemed like your opinion wasn't important,
when nothing could be farther from the truth.
I'm sorry that I doubted our future, and made you doubt it too.
I didn't know well enough myself to tell you
all the things that needed to change, and why.
We both thought we'd have more time, and then I left.
I'll always be sorry for that.

[read from "150 love letters you were never meant to see". thanks shanks!]

zodiac briefs

CAPRICORN The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be
Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often
pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be
Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive
and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a
bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on
the inside and out. Eccentric personality.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May
become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and
unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser.
Beautiful.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic.
Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short
fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit Outgoing.
Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egoti stical. Courageous and
assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20)
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not.
Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who
are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take
pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and
give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard -- passionate. Expresses
themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums.
Determined. Indulges themselves often. Very generous.

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20)
Smart and witty. Outgoing , very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable
but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like
change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May
seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22)
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome
Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative.
Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily
hurt, but sympathetic.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control.
Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything.. Bossy. Like to help
Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted.
Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving.. Doing the
right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word.
Argumentative.. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager.
Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard t o please.
Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique
appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone.
Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful.. Flirtatious. Give in
too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive.
Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds
grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships.
Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and
Emotional.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome).
Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and
outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient.
Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like
rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces
or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside
and out.

i'm a nerd, what can i say?

i'll admit it. and, i mean, who doesn't like magic?!

break's over

back to focusing on what's important. work and school. and, of course, my sanity. no room for distractions, other responsibilities, and/or obligations. i just want to breathe and continue to work on me. selfish? maybe. but i have to work on my own stuff in order to contribute. how else can i look to the future of having a great career, my own place, vacations, and the grown life if i'm not fully focused on working towards all of that right now? may not make sense to you, but who says it has to? enjoy.

[thanks brother for putting me on game with this one]


'til next time.

he's getting play...

on my ipod, that is.

Download! Here's the link: http://www.onsmash.com/unsunghero/

when i sleep, i SLEEP!

jonah sent me this video to look at. i think it's nuts. i like the song. the video's crazy. but as i think about it, it reminds me of something familiar. this chick is moving in all kinds of positions and wakes up perfectly fine. that's a deep sleeper right there. and when i sleep, i SLEEP!

Sweet Honey!

just sway!

the final year

it's come to the final year! spring semester starts next week and before you know it.. it'll be fall semester. as usual, schedule for spring 2009:

1. American Character (AMST 301-51)
Web

2. Local Focus/TitanComm (COMM 451B-80)
We 7:00PM - 9:45PM
IRVC-218

3. Adv Creative Strategy & Execution II (COMM 453-85)
We 4:00PM - 6:45PM
IRVC-120

4. Critical Reading as Critical Thinking (READ 290-51)
Web


interesting. look at that, school once a week. online classes add on, but it beats wasting gas driving from place to place. it will be interesting not going to the fullerton campus and just going to the irvine campus though. i barely saw anyone last semester when i had morning classes anyhow. wait wait, i did see hourt and hideki often so don't think i forgot about you guys. =) i'm just saying it wasn't like it was in the past years. anyway, after this semester there will be only 6 classes left. and THAT will be the final stretch. come on December! back to this semester, for once, i can't say that i'm not going to have a life. my work schedule works out just fine so i'm not on overload with projects. i get to actually breathe and focus well. hah! how about that! anyways, my last spring break too! unless, of course, i choose to get my masters and prolong me having to pay my student loans back. but, i'll worry about that later. eye on the prize... degree, job, more money, less debt, save big, make big purchases and then stomp on someone's couch and scream "FUCK YO COUCH!"

have a good day.

i blame ourselves

over a conversation that i had this weekend, with some guys i like to call my older brothers, i enlightened them with some answers to their questions about females. at first, they kept saying crap like "why do you females do..." this and that. i had to check them real quick because these accusations don't account for all women. maybe 95%, but not 100. anyway, after talking to them and answering their questions of:

-why do girls need titles? what's the big deal?
-why do girls expect a lot?
-why can't girls just say what they want?

those were the main questions that we went over. at any rate, i was trying to think of questions that i had about guys and relationships. but i couldn't think of a question that i haven't already learned the answer to. yes, guys can be difficult. but in comparison, they're easier to understand than females are. and i mean that in the general sense.


oh. sorry, i almost forgot. what are my answers to these questions? well, i'll be brief but if you want me to go more in depth, feel free to comment.

-girls need titles because they want to establish a monogamous relationship...easy translation, she wants to know and feel "secure" in knowing that she's the only one you're f*ckin'.
-girls expect a lot because they've been bruised and broken from former experiences and yes, sadly, you're suffering the repercussions. a very childish and impractical act but very typical in our feminine nature to care so much.
-why can't girls just say what they want? because they're not fearless. they fear that it'll go against the grain of trying to please you (whether or not they like you..like that). oh pussy shit... "i don't want to hurt him". girls can't be BITCHES. women can be. girls can't grow up. let's be real. we can't play the damsels in distress! however, girls tend to always play that role.

i'm not hating on my own kind. because i grew up. i'm not a girl. i'm a LADY. thank you. ;)

one thing leads to the other

and when i discover one song i've never heard before, it leads to another song i haven't heard before and so on and so forth. now, i'm pooped. i told myself i'd sleep at midnight and it's not 2am. 830am meeting this morning. long, slow day. wish me luck for work..... thanks.

as i watch Soul Sessions...

this video plays.


glad they came back. nothing can top "pretty brown eyes", but as you should know... i love the songs where you can sway to even if they're sad love songs. the irony.

Chick Flicks: A Hopeless Romance

so as a female, one of the biggest mistakes is watching chick flicks during the holidays and on non-working days. what can i say? i saved money by not going out spending money (that i don't have) on drinks and cover charges. the nip on the butt on that one was getting emotionally fucked up. yeah, i said it. i blame myself and the learning experiences (that i call guys) i've met up until now, love songs i replay on a good or bad day, chick flicks that i've foolishly cried to, and this hope i'd like to call false that captures the "ideal". poke fun all you want about me being a "female" right now but i really don't care. i'm up at 5am on a saturday morning when i should be sleeping, but i kept tossing and turning not knowing why the hell i couldn't sleep. now, i'm writing a blog. great. and i may be putting up a facade that not being in love or the mere thought of love doesn't bug me. but as you read on, it's a lie. "as much as i try (not to be), i am a hopeless romantic." (rd)

fair warning, but i know the whole "it'll just come" commentary that i'm sure you'll want to tell me. i've heard it all before (word to sunshine anderson). but let me vent my chick flick-watching, pussass (brother will understand this word), single filipino female not addicted to retail, hopeless romantic thoughts out on this here blog of mine simply because i can. so save it. i get it.

to be real or at least close to it...

i want a love:
that makes me laugh even when i'm tired.
that i can sleep in with all day.
i can kiss randomly on the head,shoulders,and arms.
whose hands fit perfectly with mine.
who i can fight with but make up with just as fast.
that i can dance with.
that i can run to.
that plays movie kissing scenes with me.
that i can watch sports with.
who's adventurous.
who will sing and dance with me in the car without a care in the world.
who remembers what i smell like.
who, even after time flies, can still catch my attention in a crowded room.
who i can travel with.
who i can enjoy a quiet saturday on our laptops with.
who listens.
who has amazing friends.
who is open-minded.
who can introduce himself in a cordial manner.
who is dressed well.
who is about something.
who cares.


i want to be in love with someone who's in love with me.

but it's nice to want things. isn't it?

In A Perfect World

1.In A Perfect World (Intro)
2.Turnin' Me On (featuring Lil’ Wayne)
3.See You Again (featuring Justin Timberlake)
4.Sleeping With The Enemy (Interlude)
5.Energy
6.Quicksand
7.Where Did He Go
8.Alienated
9.Hands And Feet
10.Sidewalk
11.Return the Favor (featuring Timbaland)
12.Slow Dance
13.Too Proud
14.Let Me Go
15.Rewritten (Outro)

definitely sounding like THE chick album of 2009. or at least on the top of my list right now. don't sleep.

As stated by Keri Hilson herself: "It’s my way of saying nothing in the world is perfect and no person in it is, either. None of us is exempt from certain hardships and heartbreaks. It was really important for me to write songs that women can relate to from real situations. I didn’t want to do an album that painted myself as perfect because no matter how things look, no one is."

my top pick right now:

Thought of the Day

Reservoir of strength

Many of your greatest blessings can stay buried for years under layers of comfort and complacency. Often, you realize the full value of those blessings only when difficulties come along.

Life's most serious challenges do not arrive so as to punish you. Rather, they serve to shine a light on what is truly meaningful and valuable.

You have strengths and skills that you may never know about until a crisis compels you to uncover them and put them to use. In times of great difficulty, you are forced to call upon a reservoir of strength you may have never before known you had.

When life throws great challenges at you, that's not the time to give up on the values and dreams that mean the most to you. In fact, that's the ideal time to reconnect with the very best that is within you.

Within your most treasured values you will find your greatest motivation, inspiration, creativity, effectiveness and strength. With each challenge, you have a new opportunity to discover new dimensions of your skills and strengths.

When the difficulties arise, be true to the authentic dreams and values you hold dear. Tap into your reservoir of strength, and rise above each challenge to a higher level of true fulfillment.

-- Ralph Marston

in my head

this song has been in my head all day and i couldn't find the actual video so this is going to have to do.

two thousand nine

(saving money and working out are always on the list)

-graduate.
-take a chance.
-be careful.
-bungee jump. (totally contradicting the be careful bullet)
-take a trip. (one or all of the following: Hawaii, NY, Philly, or a cruise)
-expect nothing.
-find something else to be/feel passionate about.
-go places i know nothing about.
-learn more about anything and everything.
-dream bigger.
-take piano lessons.
-live.

this looks lame. i'll get back to this later.