For someone who tallks a whole lot about moving forward, not focusing on the negative, surrounding yourself with positive things, people yadda yadda and getting your shit straight before anything else... I can't help but let my feelings and thoughts get the best of me sometimes. I haven't had a good cry in a while and I hate the feeling. Guess it's being human; Can't be a robot all the time.
For the past week or so, I've heard this thought a couple of times... "Positive thoughts will bring positive things." Gosh, I know this but why can't I keep this focus ALL the time? Fuuuuccccckkk. This is gay. And I fight this feeling of actually "having" feelings because I hate to feel weak. And having feelings are, in a way, being weak. It's a matter of having something bring me down. And I don't want to be down. Stone cold? Bahh. I have selective people in my life who can feel me on this low-feeling level and not tear me up even more but just "listen". Not say shit, just listen. Anybody want to help me catch a flight to seattle? San fran? Anybody?
I find myself in the same position or state of mind where I don't want to be. Yep, I definitely don't want to be here. In this state of mind. But, thanks to kuya I, this is called "venting". Ha, I actually have shit to vent about again? Who would've thought?
Without being so revealing, I'm tired of being tired and I don't want to play anymore. Game's over.
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Ah yes, the Gemini hypocracy. I hate that shit too, when you know you're on the verge of bawling but cant get it out.
ReplyDeleteAnd i HATE that shit, when you're venting just to vent, and people tell you you shouldn't feel a certain way and shit. GAH!
I dunno about a flight cause the money flow ain't too good. But i'm down for like a daytrip to SD or something (: